One philosophy book I liked, used a fear-versus-longing axis to chart the human condition. That reminds me of GSs contrasting of "goading" vs. "encouraging".
There's a fine line though, as "fear of failure" may be likewise a "longing for acceptance".
The child sometimes fears the father that can't be pleased and yet there's a longing for his approval.
In the case of "hard fun" such as doing math and programming, there's a lot to say for "peer group" pressure, just like in ordinary athletics.
For example, my daughter's high school friends tended to be of the type that rooted their cell phones and downloaded exotic operating systems. The young women were doing this stuff as well as the young men. This was a topic for conversation in social situations. Kids would invest in technical tinkering in order to join the peer group of their choice, to partake of the conversation. Not a new phenomenon. In high school, the cliques coalesce.
I'd say a lot of my Saturday Academy students feared not doing as well as their parents had hoped. Parents with high aspirations for their kids may also instill realism. You actually need to make the time and there are objective standards.
If you can put on your college application form that you already know two or three computer languages, that can be valuable, at least for some colleges.
But it may take some extra-curricular push and exposure to outsiders to get over the hump, to buckle down. Students choose summer classes knowing they need some structure, having internalized parental views.
Parents come in many flavors as well, when it comes to their own ability to offer coaching.
Some are so confidant they keep their kids home, a couple of PhDs who don't buy the social theory that at least in school they'll learn better coping skills around peers and strangers. No way. Kids stay home and get well informed like we are. That can work.
Other times, as you know, a parent will side with the kid and make the teacher the bad guy. This can happen for various reasons. The parent doesn't believe in school the institution. Or the parent just has a person beef with teacher X, thinks X is inept for whatever reason.
I don't imagine there's "one correct parenting style" out of all of these.
Kids have their own personalities and sometimes those with a greatest hunger for knowledge and higher learning are getting no family encouragement. They may have another role model, found in books, the movies or TV.
I don't think parents should be either taking all the credit, or all the blame, for how junior turns out.
On Sat, Feb 1, 2014 at 9:22 AM, Robert Hansen <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
> On Feb 1, 2014, at 12:03 AM, GS Chandy <email@example.com> wrote: > > > "Children must be PUSHED (or GOADED) to learn math!" (and presumably > everything else). > > Because most children would rather play with their friends than do times > tables, solve problems or practice the piano. As parents we have the > valuable ability to make them to do these things, while they are young, > before they become adults. And that discipline usually wears off on them. > Making them more productive and accomplished adults. > > It's parenting 101. > > I am not sure if you are having a problem grasping what parenting is like, > or if you just wish there was an easier way. I asked you before what your > experience was raising children and you basically responded that it was > none of my business. Did you have to make your kids study and do their > homework or not? Did you have to make them practice the piano or did they > naturally choose it over playing with their friends? If there was an easier > way, we would be all over it. We are intelligent and successful people. And > parents. Maybe it's the element of competitiveness that makes us think > differently about these things. I have always worked for a living and you > are aware that I had to climb up from extreme poverty to get to where I am. > On the other hand, you seem to have come from money, travelled freely, and > attended school whenever and wherever you wanted. Other than your failed > venture with OPMS, I am not sure that you ever had to work. At least Kirby > has a resume of odd jobs. I! > haven't seen even that much from you. I have worked, literally and > continuously, since I was 14. > > I am only pointing this out because that would make a huge difference in > our experiences and thoughts on how to raise children. I want my son to be > the best he can be because I feel he will need this as an adult in order to > make a life for himself. Especially with how our nation is now. And I have > never seen this to be as easy as just asking him to be the best he can be. > It involves a competitive spirit, a spirit you are likely not going to > understand if you have never had to compete. I am the coach, he is the > player, the game is life. > > Bob Hansen > >